November 1st, 2009

Falling in love with your best friend....

Yes, it’s inevitable. You spend so much time together, you can talk about anything, and you know each other’s secrets. You buy each other things, “just because I know you’ll like that.” You’re always there for each other. Sooner or later, at least one of you would fall in love with the other.

We know it’s extremely difficult, especially when you really have so much fun together and—admit it—he’s attractive. But it is possible to not ever be romantically involved with your male bestfriend. It is usually advisable to keep things that way, too. So here are a few tips to help prevent you from crossing the line.

1. Keep in mind that your best friend will always be your best friend. The “mind over matter” rule might still work for you, writes Anna Lorraine Miranda-baysa in “How Not To Fall In Love With Your Best Friend.” Forbid yourself from entertaining thoughts of your best friend being the man you’ve been waiting for, because you will eventually convince yourself that he is—even if he probably is not. Whenever your mind wanders dangerously close to that line, give yourself a good, firm shake.

2. Decide not to be attracted. In fact, try to feel embarrassed about even considering it. Of course you became friends because you saw a lot of great qualities in each other that made you click, that’s why it’s inevitable to feel attracted to each other. But to avoid falling for his great qualities, humorously think of his worst traits—especially the really weird and gross ones.

Know all the negative consequences falling in love would have on your precious friendship.

3. Avoid situations where you are left alone with each other, “as this allows a breeding place for passion.”

4. Know all the negative consequences falling in love would have on your precious friendship. Crossing the line could only bring disappointment for both of you and change your friendship forever. According to “Why You Shouldn’t Take The Next Step with Your Best Friend,” , whenever you feel yourself falling, ask yourself these questions: “Would he be a suitable match for me? Is there a future for us? Am I attracted to my best friend sexually? What are my real reasons? Am I afraid to be alone? Am I willing to risk losing the friendship?” Know that when you risk falling for a friend, you risk not just getting your heart broken but also ruining one of your most cherished friendships when things don’t work out.

5. Choose to love him as your best friend. Or as a brother, if you must. Know that you would be willing to do anything for him, care for him, and love him like a true brother, even if he’s not family. And be comforted that he would do the same for you. But decide not to throw romantic and sexual thoughts into the equation. “It’s a decision, not merely an emotion,” writes Anna. Appreciate that rare solid friendship you have formed with him and keep yourself from losing it just because of selfish, uncontrolled feelings.

Do you have a male best friend? How did you keep yourself from falling in love with him?